It seems there's been a lot of media hype about whether or not homophobia played a role in the selection of this year's American Idol.  To my chagrin, this has caused me a certain degree of guilt, for I was one of the millions who happened to vote against the openly-gay contestant. Oops! So when the multitude of Adam Lambert fans began declaring that the only reason he didn't win was his sexual orientation, I kind of said to myself, "Well gosh, maybe I'm really a closeted homophobe!"

Could it be that I have so much internalized homophobia that I cannot bear the thought of a mascara-wearing, over-the-top, flamboyantly gay rocker being elected to our nation's most prestigious  position of entertainment royalty? Um... maybe. But there is actually a much more benign reason that I voted against Adam. I'm boring.

I know that Adam Lambert is an amazingly talented entertainer. I'm actually in awe of his vocal range, his degree of confidence, and his unmatched level of creativity and inventiveness. In all honesty, week-after-week I was blown away, always amazed by the way he consistently suprised everyone with phenomenal performances. But ya know, I just honestly don't like those kinds of theatrics. The kind of music I like to listen to is John Mayer, Savage Garden, and Reba McIntire. I like baladeers who sing to my heart rather than to my nervous system. I go for the soft tones, the sweet melodies rather than the upbeat tempos.

Adam Lambert sort of reminded me of the kid in school who always wanted to be the center of attention. The class clown. The one who never was happy unless he was astonishing everyone with his antics. And to me that seems a bit phony and pretentious. Now I know what you're thinking. Isn't all entertainment pretentious? Am I not being somewhat phony myself by pretending otherwise? Yeah, you're right, but when you're sitting there in your living room watching American Idol you kind of forget that. It seems much more intimate. It seems like it's just you and the contestants and that your one little vote really matters.

And Kris Allen was just so very boy-next-door in his presentation. I loved his self-effacing personality, and I honestly actually cried when he so humbly stated that he didn't deserve the award. He's also an incredibly talented singer and musician, and he chooses pieces that are consistent with they type of music I like most. I grew to like him more and more with every single performance, and I knew that when this was all said and done and I was eventually standing in the music store I'd definitely be picking up one of his CDs before I would one of Adam's.  So that's why I voted for him. (And the fact that he was perceived as the underdog also kinda nudged me in that direction. I have a soft spot for come-from-behind heroes.)

So if I had been thinking of this whole thing more politically, I probably would have voted for Adam simply to send a message that gay people can be idols too. But then wouldn't I have been guilty of exactly the thing I was accused of in the first place? I would have been voting solely on the basis of sexual orientation rather than on merit.

Yes, it's probably true that a large number of people voted against Adam because he's gay, but let's not assume that everyone who liked his opponent was a bigot. I don't think I'm all that bigotted, certainly not towards homosexuals. I think I just have boring taste in music.