I readily admit that I am not always up-to-date with the most commonly used phrases, expressions, and slang that are frequently used nowadays. I suppose it is a natural part of aging. Language changes, and every generation creates their own “lingo” that sets them apart, sort of a vernacular of their own which is different than what their parents and grandparents use.

There is one word I often hear, though, that really irks me. Hater.

Granted, there are without question a lot of hateful people in the world today. There is a lot of hate crime committed every year. There certainly is a lot of hate speech, and plenty of hateful behavior. It is because of the fact that so much hate really does exist, that it bugs me when the word is misused or overused.

If someone disagrees with me about an issue, should I automatically assume they hate me? If I dislike something that another person enjoys, does this mean I hate that individual? Does voicing a dissenting opinion instantly signal that the person speaking their mind is hateful?

I don’t think so.

Frequently I express my political opinions, and in so doing I’m fully aware that there are countless people who have a much different perspective. I have friends and family who are on the polar opposite side of issues which are extremely important to me. I love these people, and I know they love me. I welcome their dissent because I respect them and because I know it is their right to believe how they choose and to express their beliefs openly.

I have little tolerance for intolerance. I disdain outright hateful language and name-calling. I openly condemn prejudice, bigotry, and all forms of discrimination – and I recognize these behaviors as hateful. But I don’t go around labeling people who disagree with me as being “haters.”

The Ku Klux Klan is a group of haters. The people who gay bash and bully those who are different them are haters. The Nazis and fundamentalist terrorists whose mission is to purify the world by ridding it of inferiors and infidels are most definitely haters. Fred Phelps and his gang of protestors who picket funerals with signs that say, “GOD HATES FAGS” are without question haters.

Republicans who believe in small government and personal responsibility are, in my opinion, wrong. I believe in a government which is proactive and that we as humans are responsible for one another. Although I have a very different philosophy than my Republican friends, I do not consider them to be hateful just because they disagree with me. I understand what they believe and why, and I certainly hope they make an effort to understand my point of view. I don’t hate them, and I hope they don’t hate me.

Fundamentalist Christians who believe that the Bible teaches homosexuality is a sin have been misled, in my opinion. They believe what they have been taught by their religion, and they sincerely think that their position is moral. Most of them don’t hate gay people. They fear us because of what they’ve been taught. Labeling them as “haters” is not going to help them to understand.

Does this mean that I do not think we should confront hate speech when we hear it? No, I am most definitely NOT espousing that we ignore or condone blatant hatred. I’m saying that if we expect civility from those who disagree with us, we must be civil ourselves.

If we go around calling everyone a “hater”, it diminishes the significance of the word. There is no question about the fact that the horrible men who murdered Matthew Shepard were haters. Nobody disputes the fact that the kids who drove Jamey Rodemeyer to suicide were incredibly hateful. Obviously the laws and ballot proposals which single out gay people for discrimination are motivated by hatred.

Let’s call a spade a spade. When we see hate, let’s say so, but maybe we need to be careful not to use the word inappropriately. I just hate that.