Everyone who knows me is aware of the fact that I am a big fan of Oprah Winfrey. The rule has always been, don't bother me between 4 and 5 pm when Oprah's on! Unfortunately the way my shedule has been the past few years I generally am not able to watch her show any more, but there are a few rare occasions when I do make it home in time to watch my favorite talk-show diva.

Yesterday happened to be one of those days, and there is a part of me that genuinely wishes I'd have had to work late that day as usual. Although the topic of her show was very important and timely, it also was incredibly disturbing to me. In fact, it made such an impact on me, that I still kept thinking about it today, and I have to admit, I became quite emotional when I did.

Oprah exposed a topic which I had previously heard very little about. She dedicated her show to exposing bullying within schools. Her specific focus was junior high boys who were bullied by their peers by the use of what is technically called sexual bullying. What that translates into in our everyday language is this: they were ridiculed and tormented by their classmates and constantly called queer and faggot.

The tragic thing about this behavior is the unthinkable result that it produces. There were three families on the show who had lost their sons to suicide. The one guest who got to me most though was a 13 year old boy named Chase whose mother feared would meet the same fate. She was terrified that the constant bullying would drive her son into such deep depression that he would elect to end his life just like those other boys.

Let me tell you about Chase--about what I observed when I watched him. He has a very slight build, extremely slender and gangly. He has a very boyish face but it looks elongated somewhat simply because he is indeed so skinny. He wears glasses and has a bit of a nasally sounding voice. He is very quiet. He has a geekishness to him but is actually very adorable. He seems so shy that you just want to do everything in your power to protect him. He is well spoken and appears to possess knowledge well beyond his years. He may be what you'd consider a nerd, but not in any way ugly.

And seeing him that way, afforded merely the opportunity to learn a tiny bit about him, I could not imagine his pain. (Actually, I can very much imagine it, which makes it all the more poignant to me). And I ask how is this possible? How is it ever allowed? What kind of parent teaches their child that emotional torture is acceptable? What school permits it? What group of children would ever participate in it? Obviously the unbelievable answer to all of these questions is : MANY.

I'm not sure how many people realize what all goes into the process of destroying another human being's self esteem. It actually is quite an accomplishment because it literally strips away pieces of the soul one insult at a time. And when you have a sensitive soul to begin with, the end result is a truly broken person. It begins at a very young age when the boy begins to realize he is not exactly like the other boys he knows. He isn't great in sports; he doesn't particularly like to rough-n-tumble; he tends to keep to himself. Often there is a father figure in the picture who feels it his responsibility to toughen the boy up and make him less sensitive. What ends up happening though, is that every attempt the "dad" makes at making his boy tougher actually gives the boy one more reason to hate himself.

Then the boy goes to school and all of these feelings of self-loathing are magnified a thousand fold when he is subjected to all of the same criticisms from his peers and teachers. With every passing year the self esteem slips a little lower. He tries desperately to be everything that the others expect him to be, but discovers that all of his attempts simply provide more amunition for his tormentors to use against him.

He may be a straight A student. He may be very intelligent and gifted. He may possess many talents which he tries to excel in as a means of compensating for what he (and everyone else) perceives as his shortcomings. None of it works though. He can never succeed enough to love himself. He will always be a loser. He will always be a fag.

Chase was so young. His sexual orientation wasn't revealed and he probably doesnt even know for sure what it even is yet. I guess it doesn't matter. I wouldnt presume that he was gay. Imagine though if he were. Imagine what he will think if he does soon discover that he's attracted to boys instead of girls. I can tell you what those thoughts will be. He will say, "it's all true. Every time they called me a faggot, they were right."

Imagine that.