This past weekend I picked up one of Clay Aiken's CDs when I was in Walmart. I have been listening to it repeatedly every since. I was a huge fan of his from the very beginning, when he first appeared on American Idol. When he finally came out as a gay man a few months back, I don't think that anyone was terribly surprised.

A few weeks ago I happened to be flipping through television channels and there was an advertisement for a movie which was going to be airing on Lifetime network. The movie was Prayers for Bobby, the story of Mary Griffith who lost her gay son Bobby to suicide back in the 1980's. I remembered reading the book all those years ago, and I was thrilled to see that they'd finally decided to make a movie. I ended up watching the movie and reread the book.

This morning in my car as I was listening to my newly-acquired Clay Aiken CD, I began thinking about Bobby Griffith and the story of his short, tragic life. I realized that he was only four or five years older than myself, which would put him in his mid forties now were he to have lived. I think that I related so well to his story because of my own experiences as a teenager. Like Bobby I was deeply religious, raised in the fundamentalist Baptist faith. I also was buffeted with a great deal of resistance from my family when I first began to come out. My mom in particular was very vocal in her opposition to my "chosen lifestyle". I remembered her sitting at the kitchen table sobbing, stating that she could have more easily accepted finding out that I was a murderer than a homosexual. She equated it with being a "monster".

Those were some horrific times, and I was very fortunate to have survived. I'm not sure why God would have given me opportunities and lines of support which were not afforded to Bobby Griffith. I'm sure that I did not deserve it... certainly not more than he would have. Lord knows that I went through serious suicidal depression. Three extended internments in the mental ward after suicide attempts prove to validate that fact.

In many ways my mom was like a carbon copy of Mary Griffith. Eventually she became involved in PFLAG and became my biggest supporter. As clearly as I remember her sobbing at the kitchen table and calling me a monster, I also remember her pouring out her soul at the PFLAG meeting, begging forgiveness for having said such a thing. Of course there was nothing to forgive. I hated myself all those years for having put her through it to begin with.

And now, all these years later as I do something as simple as turn on a CD player and listen to one of my favorite recording artists, I realize how beautifully and miraculously things have changed. Never once have I thought of Clay Aiken as being a gay guy who sings. I just always admired and reverered him as a tremendous musical talent. The smoothness and beauty of his voice are breathtaking to me.

I don't think anyone considers Elton John to be a gay musician. They know he is an iconic figure in the musical world, and an amazing superstar. The same is true of George Michael, Lance Bass, Melissa Etheridge, KD Lang, Darren Hayes, and so many more.

If only things had been that way back then when Bobby Griffith were alive! If only he'd had a television set that he could turn on and see Clay Aiken on American Idol. If only he'd watched Elton John come out on Barbara Walter's Oscar special. If only he had seen Brokeback Mountain, Will & Grace, or Ellen! I bet he'd have loved Queer As Folk or Six Feet Under.

Young gay people today still do not have things easy. There still continues to be widespread homophobia and a constant barrage of negative unfair stereotypes. They still run the risk of turning on the television or opening an Internet website to find some so-called Bible-believing minister spewing hateful condemnations upon the abominable homosexuals in our midst. They still are denied the right to marry and watch with disappointment as a state such as California votes to segregate them from the general population.

But looking back, we can be fairly proud of the fact that we have come such a long way. I never thought I would live to see the day when gay people were depicted as normal human beings on sitcoms. I never thought I'd see two men passionately kissing on the big screen. I never thought I'd see open, out-of-the-closet entertainers and celebraties standing proudly in support of gay civil rights.

The sodomy laws are now obsolete. Many mainstream churches now ordain openly gay clergy. People of all professions, including teachers, doctors, and retail convenience store managers can be completely open about who they are. Gay parents raise their children in loving families. Gay children receive far more support and understanding than those of previous generations.

I just think that if Clay and Bobby had been of the same generation, then perhaps it all would not have ended so tragically. Maybe... just maybe... Bobby would not have felt so invisible.